Category Archives: Humor fail

I like hard candies.

I heard a song on the radio today. It was a Christmas song, duh, because that’s all they play on the radio on Christmas Eve. Anyhow, back to the point, I heard Dolly Parton’s ‘Hard Candy Christmas’. Don’t judge me, it’s quite enjoyable. It’s about a chick who’s going down a list of activities she could do during this holiday season to take her mind off things, as it sounds like she’s had her heart smashed recently. I haven’t had much heartache lately, but I thought I’d make an attempt to be funny, and give my thoughts on all these things. (I’m bored and lonely, so stop judging me) Here goes…

Hey, maybe I’ll dye my hair … I do need to get rid of the grays 
Maybe I’ll move somewhere … I really don’t want to die in Indiana
Maybe I’ll get a car … I’m holding out someone will buy me a Lexus tomorrow
Maybe I’ll drive so far … Gas prices haven’t skyrocketed, so it’s an option
They’ll all lose track
Me, I’ll bounce right back (I assume that she’s talking about something emotional here)

Maybe I’ll sleep real late … I am good at that 
Maybe I’ll lose some weight … The number on the scale hasn’t gone up, but I swear I feel fatter, so maybe
Maybe I’ll clear my junk … Heh. Junk. 
Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine … I’ll probably stick to my regular red, but I like this idea
Me, I’ll be just … That’s deep

Hey, maybe I’ll learn to sew … I don’t think that sounds appealing at all
Maybe I’ll just lie low … Now you’re talking
Maybe I’ll hit the bars … Bingo!
Maybe I’ll count the stars until dawn … The weather outside is delightful
Me, I will go on ... Good plan

Maybe I’ll settle down … What does that involve? 
Maybe I’ll just leave town … Road trip? 
Maybe I’ll have some fun … Like board games? 
Maybe I’ll meet someone … Does he like board games? 
And make him mine … This is moving way too quick for me. 
Me, I’ll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it’s like a hard candy Christmas … I like hard candy 
I’m barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won’t let
Sorrow bring me way down … That’s some inspirational stuff right there. 

End song. End my hilarious (to me) input on said song lyrics.