Failure is an option.

Do you ever know something is going to fail before you even fully talk yourself into doing said something? Yeah, that happened. I guess I get points for trying, right?

I’m okay with this particular failure, because I’m strangely optimistic that something much better might be coming my way. You didn’t know I could be so cheerfully optimistic, did you? I’m full of surprises. Well, let’s not call me optimistic (as it makes me feel dirty), let’s just say I’m temporarily non-pessimistic. Yeah, that’s better.



An attempt at some pretty radical change.

I’m going to give this a shot. It might fail. It might not.

I guess we’ll see how it turns out. 

A lesson from Home Alone 2. Merry Christmas.

Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.

Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
Kevin McCallister: Maybe they’re just too busy. Maybe they don’t forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don’t mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school bus.
Bird Lady: I’m just afraid if I do trust someone, I’ll get my heart broken.
Kevin McCallister: I understand. I had a nice pair of Rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.
Bird Lady: A person’s heart and feelings are very different than skates.
Kevin McCallister: They’re kind of the same thing. If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my Rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.
Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice.
Bird Lady: Thank you. Do you know it’s been a couple of years since I’ve talked to anybody?
Kevin McCallister: That’s okay. You’re good at it. You’re not boring. You don’t mumble or spit. You should do it more often. Just wear an outfit with no pigeon poop on it.
Bird Lady: I have been working very hard at keeping people away. I always think I’ll have a lot of fun if I’m alone… but when I’m alone, it’s not fun.
Kevin McCallister: I don’t care how much people bug me, I’d rather be with someone than alone.
Bird Lady: So what are you doing alone on Christmas Eve? You did something wrong?
Kevin McCallister: A lot of things.
Bird Lady: Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed?
Kevin McCallister: It’s late. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to do enough good deeds to erase all my bad ones.
Bird Lady: It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart.
Kevin McCallister: Okay… It’s getting pretty late. I’d better get going. If I don’t see you, I hope everything turns out okay.
Bird Lady: Thank you.
Kevin McCallister: Tell the birds I said goodbye.
Bird Lady: I will.
Kevin McCallister: If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you.
Bird Lady: Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

I like hard candies.

I heard a song on the radio today. It was a Christmas song, duh, because that’s all they play on the radio on Christmas Eve. Anyhow, back to the point, I heard Dolly Parton’s ‘Hard Candy Christmas’. Don’t judge me, it’s quite enjoyable. It’s about a chick who’s going down a list of activities she could do during this holiday season to take her mind off things, as it sounds like she’s had her heart smashed recently. I haven’t had much heartache lately, but I thought I’d make an attempt to be funny, and give my thoughts on all these things. (I’m bored and lonely, so stop judging me) Here goes…

Hey, maybe I’ll dye my hair … I do need to get rid of the grays 
Maybe I’ll move somewhere … I really don’t want to die in Indiana
Maybe I’ll get a car … I’m holding out someone will buy me a Lexus tomorrow
Maybe I’ll drive so far … Gas prices haven’t skyrocketed, so it’s an option
They’ll all lose track
Me, I’ll bounce right back (I assume that she’s talking about something emotional here)

Maybe I’ll sleep real late … I am good at that 
Maybe I’ll lose some weight … The number on the scale hasn’t gone up, but I swear I feel fatter, so maybe
Maybe I’ll clear my junk … Heh. Junk. 
Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine … I’ll probably stick to my regular red, but I like this idea
Me, I’ll be just … That’s deep

Hey, maybe I’ll learn to sew … I don’t think that sounds appealing at all
Maybe I’ll just lie low … Now you’re talking
Maybe I’ll hit the bars … Bingo!
Maybe I’ll count the stars until dawn … The weather outside is delightful
Me, I will go on ... Good plan

Maybe I’ll settle down … What does that involve? 
Maybe I’ll just leave town … Road trip? 
Maybe I’ll have some fun … Like board games? 
Maybe I’ll meet someone … Does he like board games? 
And make him mine … This is moving way too quick for me. 
Me, I’ll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it’s like a hard candy Christmas … I like hard candy 
I’m barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won’t let
Sorrow bring me way down … That’s some inspirational stuff right there. 

End song. End my hilarious (to me) input on said song lyrics.

There. I said it.

You know what they say… You fall off that horse, you gotta get back on, or something like that.

I think we can all agree that I kind of fell of that horse called dating, but I’m not sure I’m ready to get back on. Plus, I’ve never really liked horses. As a little girl, I never, ever wanted a pony. I’ve never even been on a horse. I know what you’re thinking, I’m going a little too far with the horse jokes, and you’re right. I’ll stop.

Here’s the deal. I don’t need to be in a relationship. The only thing you need in life is air, water, food, and a cute dog (Fiona plug!). I do think it might be neat to eventually get back on that horse. So, why does dating have to be so complicated and annoying. Maybe I’m doing it wrong.

Hey, I’ve read “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and I’ve seen the movie (Ben Affleck was dreamy, huh?). And yet, here we are, you and I, still just as confused and single as ever (if you’re not single, just nod your head and smile and try to keep up).

I think I need to read books along the lines of “Hey, Stupid, He Is Into You!”, or maybe “Wow, I Can’t Tell If He’s Into You Either: That’s a completely messed up situation, girl.” Actually, those sound like horrible books. (No one steal my titles, though.)

Confusing, right?!

Oh, the fine art of being able to tell if someone ‘likes likes’ you. That’s a tricky subject, and allow me to assure you, I am not the one to ask. I have a hard time with this one. Is said wonderful dude just being friendly with me by listening to my bullshit and responding with some of his own, or is there a little more there? I don’t know. I can sit and dissect something for an eternity and still be 50/50 on it. Skills!

I know what you’re thinking now. Hey, dumbass, why not just ask the person in question? Ooh, well aren’t you the brave soul! Look, it’s not that easy sometimes. Especially if it’s with someone that you’d rather not mess things up with. As I type that, I realize that I’m being stupid. Aren’t things already a little skewed if you’re pining over them in some sort of  crush way and they just don’t feel the same about you? What’s to mess up? Even though my logical way of thinking does  actually make sense to me, I’m probably still not going to take my own sound advice. I blame the ovaries.

That’s the problem with issues of the heart meat, it makes you stupid. And, let’s face it, I just said ‘heart meat’, so I’m pretty stupid to begin with.

So, am I going to get back up on that horse and attempt to date? Or maybe I’ll finally be brave and put my cards on the table? Meh. Who’s to say? Oh, right. Me. I’ll get back to you. (My guess is that I’ll probably just continue to be content with blogging my fun thoughts and watching episodes of Home Improvement while drinking cheap red wine.)

And a happy anniversary of my failed marriage, to you!

December 19, 2004, I got married.

December 19, 2011, I wrote a blog entry.

A lot happened in those 7 years. I was happily married for, uh, four-ish, of those years, maybe. (Longer than Britney Spears, so there’s that.) Then there was a divorce, and that wasn’t all that much fun. (Brit and I have that in common, am I right?!) The point is to live and learn from such experiences, yeah? I’m fairly sure I did.

I’m not even going to take this opportunity to bash the situation in any way or form. Weird, I know.

So, on this anniversary of my failed marriage, I’ve done some reflecting…

Whether you’re one of my best friends, or maybe just a stranger next to me at the bar after I’ve had one too many beers, you’ve probably heard me say something like “I’m never getting married again!”, but did I really mean that? I’m not sure that I did. I don’t really have a beef with marriage, just how mine turned out. I can spout off marriage/divorce statistics all day long (after I Google them from a credible source, of course), but that fact is that when you’re in love, you don’t think you’re going to fail.

That’s the crappy part about it all (or maybe that’s the cool part). I didn’t go into a marriage thinking I was going to fail, I honestly thought I had it all figured out. And maybe the fact that my heart is a little less broken these days, is directly related to me being able to (somewhat) fathom (maybe) being that optimistic about someone not stomping on my heart again… one day.

Calm down, Mom, I don’t really have anyone in mind.

Aww, dog love.

There’s a country song (Billy Currington- Like My Dog) that goes on about how the dude would like his lady to love him like his dog does.

“When I come home, I want you to just go crazy
He never looks at me like he might hate me
I want you to love me like my dog”

I can see what he’s saying. My dog does some pretty awesome things as well.

– She likes when I sing to her. Well, I mean, she doesn’t hate it. I think she likes nineties R&B songs the best. Any dude would probably tell me to shut my trap when I’m doing a riveting rendition of  All 4 Love by Color Me Badd.

– A guy might be annoyed that I lay diagonally in the bed, but not the dog. She just sweetly grunts at me if I’m in her way, and always gives me a few warning kicks if I’m too fidgety before giving up and going out to the couch.

-She eats all the food I don’t want. What the hell are those weird things in the Chex Mix? I don’t know, but the dog loves them. Drop something on the floor and offer it to your fella, and he might be insulted, but offer it to the dog and she’ll graciously accept it.

-She always wants to cuddle and always lets me pick what we watch on tv.

I'm pretty sure we've got a good thing going here.

Oh, honey, you baked…

I like to pretend I can succeed in the kitchen sometimes, so I popped some cookies in the oven. Then I started watching tv and forget all about them, allowing them to come to a beautiful, slightly burnt state.

Calm down; they taste much worse than they look.

I drew a hand turkey.

It has a hat! I'm impressed by me, too.